A Slice of Life…

I love working in the kitchen with my girls.  For years already they have been   helping peel things and make wild and wooly salads.  This week they have seemed to ramp it up a notch in preparation for me being busier with my new job.  They have had numerous domestic “suggestions/requests”.  So last night I taught them how to boil eggs and make egg salad sandwiches, one of their favorites, (“eventhough they stink”) and Deviled Eggs, which were renamed Penguin Bellies!  I was washing dishes while they peeled the slimy little things at the kitchen table and I overheard this…

(Sigh)…Hey, did you know that somewhere in the world there is a war going on right now?… (Sigh)…Just think, I get to peel eggs and someone has to live with a war around them…(Sigh) and I get to peel eggs.

So, next time you peel eggs be thankful that you can peel those little slimy things, because living with a war around you would  really stink.

The Parable of the Bucket

(not for the weak stomached!)

There was a bug; no, thousands of microscopic bugs, scurrying round and round.  Hidden to human eyes, they infiltrated the very life of the young body that they inhabited.  Their evidence remained cloaked and undetected, yet inevitably their presence in the body set off the carefully maintained equilibrium.   Something needed to go.  With a rolling stomach in turmoil with the bacteria, my sweet child cried out in confusion, “Mommy, I need something.”  The feeling of needing, not knowing what was needed, just needing.  At 1:00 in the morning when your usually  calm, sleeping child needs, parents know.  There were no thoughts of my own sleep only the tasks at hand.

Collect the inventory required – quick!

- a glass of water

- thermometer

- face cloth

- the token bucket

Throw in a healthy amount of hugging for good measure.  Finally, her body jumped to its act of responsibility and waged a violent war with the miniscule enemies.  With one onslaught after another the enemy weakened its hold.  Each time the acidic feeling warned in advance.  The call for help was heralded.  The instantaneous feeling of clarity in helping my treasure with her vigil and the relief when each surge was over flooded my heart.

Oh, how we wrestled through the night.  The enemy was defeated and my love for this gift I have been entrusted with had grown.

So it is when we examine our inner soul.  Sin, guilt, envy, strife, sadness, loneliness are the evil destroyers, not even microscopic but nonetheless enormous in their destructive behaviour.  These “sinteria” can build up for years.  They have a cyclical power, at times rearing their ugly head and, at times, easily quenched by token “positive” thoughts”, trite prayers, and basic business of life.  It is only when their carrier declares “ENOUGH!” that they cease to be.  The declaration involves a battle – crying out to our Source, we come to a place of utter humility.  Only He can provide the proper inventory to deal with the task at hand; the cleansing wipe with His sacrificial love, the quenching water of His character, the ever-present bucket of compassion.  With the expulsion of our acidic sputum, he gently caresses us with His gentle hands of unequivocal love.  At our side he is silent, armed with the elements of battle.  He aids us as we release the poison – the anger, the bitter words, the torment of years of hurt – they all coming pouring out.  We try to stop, holding in the stench of the sickness.

Gently, He urges us to let it out, “Just try to get it in the bucket,” he softly comforts.

“Oh, Daddy, thank you for helping me with this.  I needed you so much tonight.”

“It’s OK, sweet child.  I will go put this away and I will come back and stay beside you while you fall asleep.”

“Daddy, will I feel better in the morning?”

“Yes my child.  I made you that way -  my mercies are new every morning.”

With a soft fluttering of tired eyelids rest settles upon me, soft as a newborn lamb, gentle as a spring breeze.  I exhale, wanting nothing but this feeling of newness and His presence with me, forever.

This thought came to me last year as my child’s bout with the flu coincided with a great chapter in Yancey’s book on Prayer.  It challenged me to give God my honest thoughts and let Him help me sort them out.  For some reason I want to come to God with freshly ironed thoughts.  He wants to see us before we tidy up.

This is the song that was running through my head last night at 3 am!  It’s so true.  My humble Canadian Mennonite roots want to push me to not celebrate my achievements but I am kiboshing that in protest of the absolute joy I feel at finally achieving a huge goal and a long-time dream.  I will soon begin my stay-at home job in the medical transcription field.  For years I have waited for this; by researching exactly how I would attack it, planning the perfect timing so that I could begin working only when my kids were both in full-time school.  I accomplished the dream in well-planned phases and worked my butt off to achieve it.  So why not throw in a little self-pride?  I earned it and that makes me so-very-very-very-very special!  Even at 3 in the morning….Does God speak in a Grover sounding voice to any one else!?

I was inspired by my mentee to read Lamentations.  I read it first in the NIV and enjoyed it and then read it again in The Message and was grossed out.  There is a lot of awful stuff going on in those 5 poems about the destruction of Jerusalem.  Cannibalism, starvation, murder, sacrifices… However, some verses caught my eye…

Lam. 3:28-32

When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself.  Enter the silence.  Bow in prayer.  Don’t ask questions.  Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble.  Take it full-face.  The “worst” is never the worst.  Why?  Because the Master won’t ever walk out and fail to return.  If He works severely, He also works tenderly.  His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.

I love the way Peterson words this passage.  How often do we find ourselves in the position of needing to figure life out and we act like God is our employee, and we order Him around to make our lives go smoother?  Ummm,  hey you, can you open this door for me.  You there, can you carry this out to the trash.  Excuse me, Mr. God, you are moving a little slow.  Pick it up and notch.  Hey, did I tell you to do that?”  God does not hire Himself out and allow us to set the agenda.  He desires to be the Master, and for us to silence ourselves and listen to Him.

I love the fact that the worst is never the worst as long as we have Him in our lives.  So I will wait.  I will gladly move toward my God with immense stockpiles of loyal love…and wait.  Even now I think of my somewhat

recent post about the coming of fall and I recall promising myself that I would learn to wait and trust.  I guess my Master is just giving me some practice!

I have been thinking a lot lately about a great theological concept…a singing Saviour.

Zephaniah 3:17

For the Lord your God has arrived to live among you.  He is a mighty Saviour.  He will rejoice over you with great gladness; with his love, he will calm all your fears.  He will exult over you by singing a happy song.

I love the thought of God and Jesus singing little happy ditties about me.  We sing songs of praise about and to Him, but how often do we stop to think that perhaps He is singing about ME!  What are the words He would use to sing “a happy song?”  My mind is conjouring up an image of our Christ on a swing set, pumping his legs and straining to reach to the highest heavens, singing His heart out in a happy song.

This last weekend was Thanksgiving and our girls worked for hours on a “present” for us.  It was a very happy song about all the things they were thankful for…food, family, God… all beautifully choreographed and sung in “harmony”.  It was crazy-sweet worship.  A truly happy song to their Creator God.

I came across the following song this week and it ministered to my heart.

Voice Of Truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I’m in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He’s holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I’ve tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. ‘Boy, you’ll never win!’
“You’ll never win”

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says “Do not be afraid!”
And the voice of truth says “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a Sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they’d have had the strength to stand

But the giant’s calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I’ve tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again “boy, you’ll never win!
“You’ll never win”

But the stone was just the right size

To put the giant on the ground

And the waves they don’t seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me.

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Fall is looming.  I sniffed the air the other day and it smelled yummy like fall.  I usually love the change of seasons.  Somehow this year we are all scared of what fall brings. But, fall is fun.  Crunchy leaves.  Copious craft ideas for young little Martha Stewarts (all involving leaves and pine cones).  Crisp mornings.  Yellow, orange, and reds all in one mixed up rainbow.  Jeans again. New hoodies. It’s all good.

Fall always feels like a new year for most school families, more than New Year’s really.  So the advent of fall causes me to look within.  What will change this year?   How will I change myself this year?  How will God change me?

This week brings an end to my practicum and another try at my exam to make me even more hirable.  I have a feeling the job hunt will take awhile.  I will try to trust.  God has been my source of strength through this whole process, and He knows exactly what I need and when.

I think I will love this year.  I have children who are very happy in school – every day of the week, and a full list of things that need accomplishing. I will enjoy the time that I get to crunch the leaves before they are veiled ‘neath a blanket of white.  I will craft a course for my days that includes coffee and quiet walks and contemplation and trust.  Join me on my journey of revelling in the change of seasons and the chance to let God change you.  Change is good.  We change our socks, we change our underwear, we change our hair, we change tires… it’s all an adventure (I’m not too sure how adventurous the socks and underwear part really is) but at any rate, we don’t do it grudgingly, unless we are 2 years old.  So I’m choosing to enjoy the fall – whether I like it or not.

I just finished a book that was amazing for me.  It was called “Oak Leaves” (though I have no idea why) and written by Maureen Lang.  Just a random pick from the church library; I grabbed it because of the pretty cover (as is the norm for Spiritual fiction these days).

The story centered around a family that discovered that they had the Fragile X gene in their family for over 150 years.  In the story the main character grapples with the concept of raising a child who is not “normal”.  It jumps back and forth between the 150 year span.  The character in the 1800’s had 2 brothers that were called “half-wits” and the community ostracized the whole family because they believed that the women of the family had a curse on them.  Thankfully the study of genetics has put an end to some of that thinking, though I know from experience that there are many who are still very awful to those who struggle with handicaps, whether they be physical or mental.  So many of the thoughts and emotions in the story were things that I could completely relate to.  I do not have a child who is handicapped in any way but I do have a sibling who is.  My younger brother, Steve, has Cri Du Chat Syndrome which is completely different than Fragile X but I could still relate to the cultural stigmas that were protrayed.  The characters in the story felt exactly the same emotions that I feel/felt so many times in my life.  Guilt for not helping more…pride in Steve’s little achievements…fear of rejection from others…love despite all the difficulty…anger that he was the way he was…bitterness…grasping grace…relief for being able to escape the situation…it’s all there.

This is a book I would highly recommend if you know a Fragile X family or even one who is living with a handicapped family member.  I think the author did a wonderful job of describing the syndrome; she herself has a child with Fragile X. She wrote the book after many years of God working on her heart and teaching her what is was to live in the grasp of His grace.  She definitely did not gloss over the reality that life with a handicapped child/sibling is incredibly hard.  I would have been mad at her if she did.  It was a treat to read, though of course it is generally sappy and romantic.  I grabbed the sequel off the shelf today.

My Brother Steve

I finally received my marks!  On Friday afternoon Kenzie and I opened up the long awaited-for email and it said “Congratulations you passed.”  I proceeded to sign in so I could find my marks and was greeted to some fairly pleasing results, 98% and 92%.  Big Sigh of Relief!  It felt weird to be told by a computer that was officially a transcriptionist.  No flipping of the tassel, no throwing of a hat; such is the quandry of modern education.  Here is the contemplative review of the Canscribe journey.  Condensed for your reading pleasure.

Nearly a year ago I decided to take the plunge and enroll in this Medical Transcription program.  I had been researching it for a couple of years and finally the time was right.  Looking back on my year I can honestly say that it has been one of my most stretching, taxing, exhausting, enjoyable years of my life.  I had to carefully plan nearly every hour of my days in order to get all the things done in life.  I woke up early, stayed up late, but I did it!

There are many people that I need to thank for the extra support this year.  (It’s like I self-appointed myself an Oscar winner!)  First of all my immediate family.  Jeff has has been very encouraging the whole way, providing me with lots of free evenings to do my homework (sure he was at meetings, but at least I didn’t have to worry about him being bored!)  Jenna was my little cheerleader and quizzer.  It was so hilarious having her help me with my flash cards.  You try figure out what an eight-year-old is saying when they have to read “choleangiogram”.  Kenzie probably had to put up with the brunt of the sacrifice.  She was very patient with the constant homework and boring days at home.  Special thanks go to StarChoice and channel 354 and the creators of Martha Speaks, Little Bear, Franklin, etc.  I’m sure she has every show memorized!

Thanks also to all my friends who inspired me to keep going and put up with not really seeing me much this year.  To those of you who let me borrow your daughters for playtime – thanks.  I’m glad everyone was returned unscathed.  They probably thought Kenzie’s mom was a boring monster from the dark cave in the corner of the basement.

Thanks to Neil for letting me do some studying at work.  I’d be slaving away at it for a good while yet if I couldn’t have done that.

My gratitude also goes out to Jen Fehr who spurred me on to do this.  It was so fun having someone else to bounce ideas off who fully understood what I was talking about.  Jen, keep up your hard work and enjoy all the extra fun that your life seems to provide for you!

Now all I need to make this journey complete is a job.  Please continue to pray that I will be able to find something part time that I can make fit into the slots that I have so carefully designed for it!  I really do hope something just falls in my lap as I don’t relish the drudgery of the “job hunt”.

It seems like this year has just flown by.  I remember walking to school on the first day of Kindergarten, camera flashing and tears surfacing and now June has come and the girls are busy going on field trips, playing in soccer tournaments, having birthdays and wrapping up their dance classes with an amazing performance.  The year is gone and I have an enormous box of school papers and crafts in the 2008-2009 box.

Kenzie had her 6th birthday last week.  Fun. Hello Kitty was the chosen theme.  Kenzie face painted her friends.  There were crafts, games, cake, fights, presents and tons of fun.

She also enjoyed playing in the U6 tournament a week ago.  It was quite amazing how these little gaffers went from a not having a clue how to play an actual game to firing the ball into the net time after time by the last game – much to the chagrin of the other coaches.  I’m having so much fun coaching them with my good friend, Coach Murray.

She is so excited about going to school every day this fall.  I thank God every day for the two wonderful children that He gave us and for the experience that it is to be their parents.  They can make me laugh, cry, yell, stomp, blush, guffaw all in the span of about 43 minutes!  I was so proud of them tonight as I watched them at their dance performance.  All the kids were so delighted to be able to show us what they had worked so hard at.  They were all really beautiful with their buns and lady faces, but I kinda liked mine the best.

I am very excited about being able to finally spend some concentrated time with them now that I have written my final and I wait with bated breath.  I will enjoy cuddling with their marshmallowy bodies this summer.  I will enjoy their friends who play with them and their friends parents who add so much to our lives.  I will enjoy letting them swat my mosquitoes.  I will enjoy watching them spin on the carousel at Kinsmen while I nearly puke at the site of that spinning monstrosity.  I will enjoy their father playing with them in the sand.  I will enjoy little freezie breaks and hours of gardening together.  These are the things that life is made of…I will continue to enjoy living it abundantly.  John 10:10.

The last report was a killer but I just finished the last report for my medical transcription course!  I am so excited and exhilarated at almost being done.  I have been doing this in my not-so-spare time now for 10 1/2 months now and I am getting very excited to be moving on to the next stage.  So now all I have left is to study for my final, which will be an arduous process.  More emotionally involved than the rest of the course I’m thinking.  Questions like “I am I ready?”  ”Do I suck at this?”  ”How hard can it possibly be?”  will plague me now until I take the plunge and give the green light for them to send me the final.  I have until July to do it but I certainly won’t be waiting that long.

I will save my final thank-you’s for the FINALE when I announce the absolute completion, but you can bet that any of you that supported me this year will be in there.  Keep praying … I’m on the home stretch now and soon I will have new letters to place behind my name.  I’ll be upgrading from Connie Peters Dip of BS to Connie Peters MT.